The Emotional Turmoil

Emotional: pertaining to or involving emotion or the emotions
Turmoil: a state of great commotion, confusion, or disturbance; tumult; agitation; disquiet: mental turmoil caused by difficult decisions

No one can prepare you for what a chronic disease is going to do to you physically, let alone emotionally. There are some days you have a handle on it. In fact, most days I do have a wonderful handle on it. I would say 97 % of my days.

Then there are days like today where I want to crawl into a hole and hide. Just thinking about what's going on brings tears to my eyes. Just the mention of my story brings tears to my eyes. Trying to tell my story to my friend Marie at work today I got teary eyed.Why? This I cannot tell you. Each day is different for me. Maybe because my pain was more unbearable today than it ever has been since I've been sick. It's amazing what pain can do to your body and mind.

Do I feel depressed? Absolutely not. I love my life. I love being me. Regardless of what stresses I have. Even with this stupid disease I still love my life.

I've never been one to cry. Never. The whole 9 years Jason and I have been together he's seen me cry a total of 3 times. Does this make me a stronger person? I don't think so. I'm just not someone who cries. I think either you are or you aren't. Nothing wrong with being either one.

I've decided my body and mind are in emotional turmoil with their self, hence the title for today.

I have no doubt as time goes I will have to be on medication for depression as most people with chronic illnesses/pain are. I have yet to meet someone with chronic illnesses/pain who is not on depression medication. Should anyone be ashamed of this? Absolutely not! It's hard enough going through life as it is but imagine getting thrown a chronic illness/pain. I don't want to say depression is expected with a chronic illnesses/pain, but I think it is at some point.
Maybe I am wrong. 
I shouldn't assume.
Anyways, for the time being my tears will be my medication.

"Every tear should live its purpose. Don't ever wipe the reason away."Jessica Simpson