Monday, April 30, 2012

The Most Difficult Decision Yet...

What is the most difficult decision you've had to make in your life? Is it marriage? Divorce? Children? Something job related? A health issue? Maybe surgery? Buying a house? Letting go of your house? Deciding to not let someone be in your life anymore? Dealing with the death of a loved one?

For me it was the decision to go on full LOA. Since graduating from nursing school, work has been a huge part of my life. I take pride in my nursing career. I worked hard to get where I'm at. I had plans to go on and be a nurse practitioner in family practice. I love doing what I do. How many people can say that?

My symptoms have been worsening over the past couple months. I wish I could say I didn't see this coming, but I knew it was. At least some where deep down in me I knew it was coming. I did try to deny it for a long time. My call-ins had become more frequent and it's been impossible for me to get out of bed most days. Then there's the memory problems, headaches, and lovely new symptoms. I remember the last time I was at work, I was so miserable pain wise, I had a bad attitude. I never have a bad attitude at work. Between not being at work for almost two weeks and feeling like over all poo, this is when I really started to look at the possibility of full LOA. Another Behcet's reality had struck me.

The guilt of calling in and the stress of trying to make it to work was horrible. Now that I am on leave, it is less stressful but unfortunately hasn't changed my symptoms. I've had new ones pop up and old ones worsen. Damn magical grab bag of Behcet's. It's never ending some days.

One of the hardest part of this for me is the changing from a go-go-go type person to laying around the house. I've slowly gotten use to it since being sick but now my social interaction is gone. Or at least decreased. I still have my family on a daily basis. Thank god for social media and the support I get from my BD girls on face book. Some of you might say find a hobby. Well it's not that easy. When you feel like shit most days all you can do is lay around. If I was feeling well enough to have a hobby that required me to do something other than lay in bed, I'd be working. Netflix has become my hobby. Thankfully I'm a movie kind of girl. If you weren't a movie person before getting Behcet's, you would become one after, trust me. I have my writing but I'm not always well enough to do that either.

Another thing that is seriously messed up about this whole situation and trying for disability is money. How the hell do they expect people to live? I have long term disability but it takes 90 days to kick in. So basically for me there's a 3 month waiting period without money. I won't even get in to how long I think it's gonna take me to get actual disability from the state- I've heard anywhere from 3 years to 7 years it takes people with Behcet's, sometimes more. Now what about others who don't have long term disability through their work? I'm getting pissed off just thinking about what people have to go through until they get disability. No wonder people end up on the streets or living with family. I hope and wish for a faster way for others to get disability who have to deal with this. Remember stress only makes our symptoms worse. Dealing with money problems is stressful for anyone but multiply it by 100 with a disease like Behcet's.

Oh yeah, let's not forget about health insurance. After 3 months my health insurance is gone unless I pay cobra. We all know how ridiculous cobra costs. Then from what I remember before I can get Minnesota medical assistance, I have to be without health insurance for 3-4 months. So basically I'm fucked if I get sick. I say that because I will have to pay out of pocket. Do you have any idea what it's like to pay out of pocket for a doctor's visit? And we have idiots here who think we don't need health insurance for everyone. Yes we do folks! Don't get me wrong I don't want the government in our lives anymore than you, but some things we do need. [Note: I'm not endorsing any political party. I would like to keep politics out of my blog:)] Try getting a disease like this and live without health insurance. About 10 years ago I was nursing school and was at a job where I didn't qualify for health insurance. I developed an urinary tract infection-severe enough I'm lucky I didn't end up in the hospital. Do you have any idea how much it cost for those antibiotics without insurance? $125. How much for the office visit and labs? I don't recall but I can tell you that office visits right now run around $300 on average minus the labs. Now how can someone afford this when they are not working, waiting for disability, and have no cash coming in?

As you read this, I hope you understand that those of us with Behcet's do want to work but the disease can make it impossible for this to happen. My only words of wisdom for tonight are to be happy with what you have- Job, health insurance, your health, house, etc., because you never know when something like this will hit you and you'll be left without this stuff.

"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have." Frederick Keonig

Note: This post was started way back on 4/4/12. I'm a bit behind with my posting on account of feeling like poo and being engrossed in The Hunger Games trilogy:)


Tuesday, April 24, 2012

What The Beginning Of A Flare Up Feels Like...

Ever wonder what the beginning of a flare up feels like? If so, you're in luck because I'm in the mood to share and happen to be dealing with one.

First I usually start getting fatigued. Fatigue like you've been running around doing errands for 24 hours straight. It eventually gets worse as the time goes on. It gets so bad that you can barely lift your arms and legs. Even typing this is difficult. Extremely difficult. (It became so difficult I had to stop typing and return the next day to finish). Imagine your arms and legs weighing 500 pounds each and try to lift them. Every effort causing you to become more exhausted. If you are lucky enough to get up and move around you feel drunk. And I'm talking the kind of drunk where it's difficult to walk because you feel dizzy and everything's spinning.

Next comes the body aches and pain. For me it feels like every joint in my fingers, hips, knees, and feet have been beaten with a baseball bat. Sometimes more joints are affected. Sometimes it feels like my bones are bruised. The pain starts as a dull ache but then after a couple hours it turns to an intense throbbing pain. Sometimes pain meds help but usually once it gets so bad there's not a damn thing you can do about it. Imagine your legs, hips, feet, and fingers throbbing constantly. There really is no way to describe it as everyone handles pain differently. I ask you to think back to a time you had severe pain- was it a broken bone? A kick to your boys? :) Well times that by 10 and you might be able to understand but probably not.

Next is my favorite- the sweats. (Why can't it be sweets?) This usually comes a couple hours after the fatigue and dull aching pain. My body feels like it's on fire inside and out. I usually run a low grade fever that ranges from 99.2 to 99.6 normally, or I should say since getting sick. This is common for autoimmune disorders. During the beginning of a flare up my temperature is usually higher than the usual. The highest I can recall when checking it was 100.2. I no longer check for a temperature as I am use to this being something that comes along with the disease. You know what's awesome? Laying in bed and sweating for no reason. Wait, I take that back. The most awesome part of this is the nightmares that come with the sweating. Night sweat nightmares I like to call them.

From here it all goes downhill. My flare ups usually last from 1-3 days. I call them my flare ups because my symptoms are 100 times worse than they are normally. These are the days where I do the shuffle walk. And that's assuming I can even get out of bed. My flare ups don't always have these wonderful warning signs. Sometimes I wake up in a flare. Sometimes the flares just hit me. When I first started getting sick this was my warning of what was to come. My body has apparently turned off my tornado warning sign to only work when it wants to:)

Well my friends, don't you feel enlightened now? I'll bet you do.

"Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain." Joseph Campbell


Saturday, April 21, 2012

An Update Of The Past Week...

I took a week off to have to myself and spend some days with Jason. Sometimes in life you just need a break. I spent it up at our trailer at Travelers Country Club in Clear Lake, MN. Despite the weather being cold, it was nice to get away. If ever in MN, come on by! People rent out their trailers all the time. www.travelerscc1.com. Now that I have my advertising done, I'll get on with business:)

My week was fairly good symptom-wise. I still had my usual aches, fatigue, and headaches (among other things). Some days better than others. There was one day where it was minimal. One of those rare days that only happen once every couple months for me. I didn't go out and party it up because the days following the feeling good are always hell. This is what I like to call the tornado effect. The nice weather before the storm, only apply it to your body. I was able to get out and walk that day, which was lovely. It was nice to feel the sun on my face, hear the birds chirp, and take in the views of nature. I was able to take some pics of the muskrats that have a home down by the lake. I can still close my eyes and enjoy the walk even though many days have passed since. Maybe you think I'm talking too much about this? Well too bad. You don't realize what you miss until it's gone. It's the little things people rush past because they are too busy caught up in the hustle and bustle. A walk in the sunshine, the laughter of another person, the clouds in the sky, the flowers blooming. Need I go on? The "stop and smell the roses" saying really means something.

What would a week be without dealing with some kind of medication problem for me? Heaven. That's what. I am now onto my millionth medication to try (I may be exaggerating a bit) but that's what it feels like some days. There are times when I want to give up trying meds since my body has decided it wants to be allergic to almost all medications. But then I think what if this one is the one that will get me back to normal? I only have about five more I can try before my list of possibilities runs out. This week it was a call from the pharmacy saying my copay for Humira is going to be $490. Yea, I'll get right on that. Maybe do a little prostitution and that should cover it. I'm joking people! Thankfully Humira has some patient card program that once you register with them your copay is somewhere around $5-10. One blow job ought to cover it. Once again, joking! Or selling myself short:) I registered with Humira and they say it will take 10 days before I get the card. Then I can call my pharmacy and they run the card number and boom, cheap medication. Is that even possible in the USA? Not usually. Before I can start my Humira I need to have a mantoux done. This is to test for tuberculosis if you are not familiar with the term. Just another pain in the butt thing to do and what makes this particular test difficult is needing to have the test read 48-72 hours after getting it administered. Why is this hard? Because I never know how I am going to feel.

That about sums up this past week give or take. I do want to say a special thanks to my dad's cousin Kathy Lundquist for taking the time to go to Tea Source and getting me peppermint tea. You rock Kathy! I am enjoying a cup of tea as I write this. Num Num Num is all I can say:)

I think I'll be back on track to writing more this week. I have several drafts I've started but need to finish. The quote I choose for this post is more my feelings of having to deal with trying medication after medication. I came across it earlier this week and love it. Of course you can apply it to every day life, especially every day Behcet's. I've also decided to throw in some pics of my muskrat friends for fun. And yes I'm up late as it's one of those days that my body is screaming at me in pain. Have a feeling I'll be up off and on tonight.

When the world says, "Give up,"
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."

Author Unknown



Friday, April 13, 2012

Dealing With Discrimination...

If it's not bad enough being thrown a rare autoimmune disease that destroys life as you know it, what's worse is dealing with the discrimination that comes along with it.

Most of us with Behcet's do not look sick. Maybe I should say the general public doesn't see us when we are bad off- having to lay in bed all day due to pain or having to crawl to the toilet secretly wishing we had a catheter in us on those days. It is a silent disease that fights our bodies from within as with many autoimmune disorders. Every day our bodies scream at us to do something about the pain and all the other lovely symptoms that come along with Behcet's. We do not get the disfigurement like Rheumatoid Arthritis (or as far as I know-maybe there are some cases). In fact we are a lot like lupus. Many of us getting a lupus diagnosis at first since symptoms are so similar.

Alright, get to the point Chrissy, right? This post is to tell you about my problems trying to obtain a handicap parking permit. Last week at my doctors appointment, she filled out a handicap parking form. Yesterday was the first day in 5 days that I felt well enough to leave the house. This was my one goal for the day. I went to the DMV in Elk River, near the train tracks, not the government center. I want to distinguish between the two as the government center workers have always been kind when I go there. I went to the closest office as I knew it was going to take all my energy just to get there and back.

I presented my handicap parking certificate to which the lady said "We don't accept photocopied papers." I said, "What? It's not photocopied. I wrote in blue and my doctor wrote in black." I didn't think this would be an issue or we would've use the same pen when filling it out. She then brought it over to another lady, who agreed it was photocopied. I argued some more, only to be told, "Your doctor needs to not write so well, it looks like a photocopy." Seriously? I left there heart broken. As time went on, I started getting pissed off. Why is this OK? Who is it for them to decide what's legit? If it's that questionable then they should be calling the doctors office. Then it hit me. They don't think I'm handicap as I went walking in there with no wheelchair or cane. Is that what it's going to take? If so, that's fucking ridiculous.

Several things happened after this:

1) I decided to call back up there and ask them what I need to do so I do not have this problem next time. I asked if I need to have my doctor use blue pen. They said "We prefer black ink". Wait, what?! I said, "That's what I have and you refused it." They proceeded to tell me I need a "live signature." I replied that is a live signature and you are refusing it. They then told me "If we think it's a fake, we don't have to take it." The lady I spoke with on the phone was named Edna and I do not believe she was the one that helped me as she needed to put me on hold as she did not recall dealing with a handicap parking permit. I did not get the other two ladies names when I was there but one was about my age- early 30's with brown hair pulled back and the other lady was in her 40's with black hair almost down to her shoulders. If you're reading this, you know who you are and shame on you.

2) I was so upset after this, I had done everything they wanted, so why am I having such a hard time obtaining my permit? I decided to file a complaint with the DMV. After finding the number, I spoke with a lady who was very nice and promised to pass my complaint along to the appropriate person. About two hours later I received a call from a Tom Evans at the DMV. Unfortunately, I was in bed with an occipital migraine and in no shape to have a conversation about this. I ended up calling him back after work hours and leaving a message with my story. I made sure to let him know I felt discriminated against because I did. I have no doubt that if I had been in a wheelchair, they wouldn't have second guessed it. A couple of my BD friends suggested I go in next time without my hair done and morning breathe and they'll get me in and out ASAP. Ha ha, this was my only laugh for the day yesterday. Thanks girls:) I asked him to email me instead of calling as I never know how I am going to feel and if I will be able to hold a telephone conversation. This is his response from this morning:



Dear Ms. Gunderson,

I am very sorry for the trouble you had at the Deputy Registrar office. The manager in charge of our business partner relations is contacting the office in regard to your situation and will offer them remedial training in customer service.

Your first instinct about the office over scrutinizing your application because you don’t appear to be disabled is probably correct. Unfortunately there is quite a bit of fraud associated with the parking certificates but that is no excuse.

If you or your doctor’s office would prefer to FAX your application directly to me I will see that the parking certificate is issued right away.

You may FAX it directly to my desktop at 651-797-XXXX.


Tom Evans
DPS Supervisor
Special Plates/ Plate Impound/ Disability Parking Certificates
(651) 201-XXXX


This email was a blessing. I can't say how thankful I am he is able to help me and willing to help me. I had Jason fax the form from his work and Tom responded back he received the form and will get it in the mail ASAP for me. Thank you Tom!

As I told my story to my family last night, they shook their heads in disbelief and said a few choice words. Jacob, my 12 year old brother-in-law, said "Chrissy you should've brought a cane with you." I just smiled. Even he understands.

I'm sure I will be dealing with discrimination many more times with this handicap parking permit, but as I said in a previous post, they picked the wrong person to mess with because I will speak up and they won't like what I have to say. I hope by you reading this you will not judge people who look normal and have a handicap parking permit. You never know what someone else is dealing with.

The reason I need this is because due to the Behcet's I am at significant risk for falling and need to rest frequently when walking. By the way, I do not go some where unless I absolutely have to or feel decent that day. The days of feeling decent are very rare however. And yes, something I miss most of all is being able to go on walks in the warm weather. The feeling of the sun on my face, hearing the birds chirp, taking in the views of nature. You don't realize what you miss until you don't have it.

I hope no one else has to go through what I did but know there will be others with similar stories to mine because of people's ignorance.

“The greatest ignorance is to reject something you know nothing about” Unknown



Update: I received my handicap parking permit on 4/14/12. The day after I talked with Tom. How's that for service? Once again thank you Tom!

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

A Brief Update...

This will just be a brief update on my past week as it's been rough.

As I said before, I'm out on LOA from work due to worsening symptoms. My symptoms have all worsened, I've developed many new, and just feel like poo most days. Remember the Magical Grab Bag of Behcet's theory? I couldn't help but reach in that grab bag and pull out some new symptoms. Let me tell ya, it's been awesome. (sarcasm folks) I hope by now you've learned I am a very sarcastic person. I'm eventually going to have to stop giving you clues it's sarcasm.

While at the rheumy last Wednesday, she said the F word. Yes, that's right, Fibromyalgia. She thinks I might have a double diagnosis going on. I can't think of anything more fun than these two diseases thrown together. I can picture them dueling it out with my body as I type this. I hate to say "what's next" in fear of what the health god is gonna do to me. Dr. Grandits hasn't diagnosed me yet, but I imagine it's right around the corner.

I've had constant floaters in my eye for the past week. Seems like my little friends are here to stay. It's all good unless I start talking to them. Makes it hard to be on the computer, watch TV, and all that fun stuff. I can describe them as little black dots that obstruct your vision. Not to the point where you can't see but it's very annoying.

I've had some interesting things happen with blood vessels in my body this past week. I'm use to random bruising- a common thing among BD'ers. I can't even say it's from fun drunk random bruising...bummer. My right hand developed what I thought was a superficial blood clot after doing something strenuous (yea something I shouldn't have been lifting but there's that stubbornness in me to still try to live a normal life). Twenty minutes after this incident, I felt sudden sharp pain in my hand, looked down and there was a lump and a bruise forming. And no, I didn't hit my hand on anything. I put a warm washcloth on, which helped. The bump did go away within a couple days but the bruise took a good week to go away. I forgot to take a pic of this. Then there was the eye blood vessel deal (see other post). I also had a finger joint bruise show up this weekend. I've been having a lot of pain in my left pointer finger and right ring finger specifically. My left pointer finger was the one that got the bruise. Hopefully this isn't a warning of another disease developing.

This about sums up the past week along with my 3 doctors appointment post. As much as I wanted to post this last week, I just didn't have it in me. And yes, I still love my life and being me. It's just that some days are harder than others.

"Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug." Mark Knopfler

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Behcet's Reality Bites...

Today is one of those days that just sucks all around. Aside from the usual symptoms I have (plus some), I went to the dentist thinking I had a cavity only to find out there is nothing wrong with the tooth. This means the pain is due to the inflammation of blood vessels in my mouth. Awesome.

Since getting sick, my tooth problems have worsened, which appears to be a common thing among BD'ers. I want to get partial dentures on the bottom but instead got a lecture on how much they suck and the reasons why I shouldn't get them. This was the second time I had been to this place- Elk River Family Dentistry. I was not impressed this time and will not be going back. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure he meant well but not well enough. I'd rather have dentures which would help eliminate my tooth pain but dentists only see $$$. I open my mouth and they think "Well she has about $10,000 more we could do to her." Think I'm wrong? Then why is it so hard to get dentures? With dentures, there's no money to make. With crowns, root canals, well...you do the math.

I left there thinking once again, a place that knows nothing about Behcet's. Stupid rare disease. It's hard to have faith in the health care system, dentists included, when you know more about your disease than the doctors. Imagine having to deal with this over and over again until you find a team of doctors who can help you. For me, after a year of struggles I finally have my team. Now I just have to find a dentist who's not out for the money but to genuinely help. My heart breaks for my Behcet's friends still struggling to find their team of doctors. I can't imagine going through this on a monthly basis if not more frequent. It's no wonder we feel alone with this disease and have to count on other BD'ers for support.

I'm at home currently thinking how dentures will ever happen for me. Perhaps I should just yank my teeth out myself. I could just get liquored up and well...you picture it. Ha ha. I've come to the reality that I will just have to lose one tooth at a time until I find a dentist who understands. My afternoon movie today? Yep, you guessed it- Reality Bites.

Yes my friends, another Behcet's reality was found today. And yes, it sucks.

"Reality bites... and doesn't let go." Author Unknown

Monday, April 9, 2012

3 Doctor's Appointments In 1 Day...

You know what takes the life right out of you when you have a disease like Behcet's? 

Doctor's appointments. Yesterday I had 3 doctor's appointments with only 2 planned. The third was a last minute recommendation from my rheumatologist.

My first appointment was with neurology. I saw a nurse practitioner, Ann Rechtzigel, who works with Dr. Evans (whom I had seen during my first visit at Noran). She was very nice and knowledgeable about migraines. This time it was more about treatment options and migraines in general. She gave me a migraine diary. For those who do not know, this is to keep track and see if we can notice a pattern. I'm guessing there's not going to be much of a pattern as I have them almost daily and it's due to the Behcet's disease, but I'll give it a shot. Hell maybe I'll find they happen only in cold weather and I don't have them as often with the warm weather so I'll be forced to move somewhere sunny. Like right next to a beach. A girl can dream can't she?

Next stop was Carbone's in the East Side of St. Paul. I'll bet you were expecting another doctor visit, right? I had a couple hours to kill before the next appointment so Jason and I went to our old hood and had some delicious subs. Nom nom nom!

Stuffed and ready for a nap, next up was my rheumy appointment. Once again, Dr. Grandits is the best rheumatologist a person can ask for. She listens and genuinely cares about her patients. Why can't they all be like this? Numerous things happened at this visit. I will begin a new medication called Humira. It is an injectable. Sounds like it will be a couple weeks before I can get it from the pharmacy. Guessing I'll need a PA, or prior authorization. I'm not even going to get started on PA's. I am officially now on an LOA due to my symptom worsening. I will discuss in more detail in another post. I got my handicap parking form, just need to turn it into the DMV. Yes, I feel old. What 33 year old wants to have handicap parking permit? I can just imagine the looks and comments I'm going to get. Well little do those people know I have a mouth and am not afraid to use it:) The plan is to go back in 3 months.

My third appointment was for an ophthalmologist. Starting Tuesday, a blood vessel burst in my eye. I hadn't been doing anything that would cause it-sneezing, coughing, straining, etc. It felt like there was something in my eye and there was a little pressure as well. It was still there when I saw Dr. Grandits so I asked her what she thought. She suggested I go see an ophthalmologist to make sure it was OK. With Behcet's you are at risk for developing eye problems, such as uveitis. Scary to even think of. I agreed with her decision as this was the first time this has ever happened to me. Luckily I was able to find an appointment at the Cambridge clinic and it was only an hour away. Just enough time to make it there. So much for stopping at Tea Source on the way home for peppermint tea.


I dozed off on the way up to Cambridge. I definitely needed it.

This doctor was OK, not my favorite but tolerable. His name was Dr. Villella. One of the first questions he asked me was "Did you drive here?". I didn't care for his tone of voice, which was not very nice. I replied with "No, I barely drive anymore due to my disease." Asshole...I wasn't in the mood for some doc I didn't know lecturing me on a disease he knows nothing about. Maybe this sounds mean but those of us with Behcet's are use to having to defend ourselves at doctor's office and it gets old really quick. For the record, Jason drove me to all of my appointments that day. And I'm not fibbing when I say I barely drive anymore. My body and eyes can't take it most of the time. The rest of the appointment was fine. He applauded me for being proactive. Not sure proactive is quite the word I'd say. More like worry wort. Only good news out of the day? My eyes were fine. It was a subconjunctivitis hemorrhage.

By the time I made it home, I was completely exhausted. My body was screaming at me to lay down. I was so happy the appointments were done.

"You know you're getting old when everything hurts. And what doesn't hurt doesn't work." Hy Gardner

Note: This post was written on 4/5/12 but not published until 4/9/12 as I've had quite a week which I'm sure I will complain about later:)

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Another sleepless night...awesome

Yes, another sleepless night. Awesome times. Those of us with Behcet's have these quite often but I shouldn't speak for everyone.

I wasn't always like this. I find that as my symptoms worsen so does my sleep.

My day started rather good considering it's been hell for the past two weeks with headaches and flare up of symptoms. Did a couple things around the house which may have put me into a larger flare up, but can't really say for sure especially with how I've been feeling lately. Around 3 PM I started feeling like crap. Fever, severe joint pain in knees, severe fatigue, and dizziness. I needed a nap. Sometimes naps make a huge difference. Unfortunately not today.

I awoke feeling worse than before. My mouth was killing me as another ulcer was developing along with vasculitis in the front lower area of my mouth. Dinner tasted funny. Getting out of bed and moving around was extremely difficult. The rest of my night was spent in bed watching movies. Tonight's choice was Pirates of the Caribbean. We had seen the Pirates exhibit last weekend at the Science Museum so I guess I'm still in a pirates mood:)

Fell asleep around midnight. Woke up around 2 AM and rolled around for an hour before succumbing to the fact that I'm not going to sleep anymore. Or at least anytime soon. Hence why I'm writing a blog at 4 AM. What made me finally get up is lovely breast vasculitis. Yes, inflammation of the blood vessels of the boobies. This is a newer symptom for me in the past couple month and let me tell you, IT HURTS! It's a throbbing and burning pain. Certain movements cause extreme pain. And no, I'm not posting pics. Boys and girls you will have to get your jollies elsewhere:)

The amusing part to my night was my cat, Milo, brought a smile to my face during this crappy time. He came to visit daddy (Jason) on the bed but daddy is sleeping, so mommy (me) scooped him up. He was loving the attention but anytime daddy would move, he'd run over and try to get him to pet him. I found this amusing, Jason not so much:)

I'm enclosing some pics of my mouth and my cat. The rest of my night will be dinking around on the Internet, watching King of the Hill, and trying not to wake Jason up. Hoping to a better nights sleep tomorrow.

And for those of you wondering, I do have medication to help me sleep but it didn't help tonight. I'm finding when I'm feeling so crappy it doesn't matter the amount of medication I take because nothing helps.

"Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it's time to get up." Unknown