Life's Not Fair...

Life's not fair. We all know it. You know it more at certain times in your life than others. What if your life was not fair every single day, with every single decision you make?

For those of us with Behcet's, this is reality. If you think I'm whining about it, please read on.

This is about the choices I have to make and not that I have been given this disease.

Every decision I make causes my body to have a reaction. These reactions are not always good. Wish I could say they were. Even something as simple as getting ready for work, going to the store, or even cleaning the toilet causes me either pain, fatigue, some other symptom, or a combo of all. I can't think of a time recently that I was out and about doing something normal, like grocery shopping, where it didn't send my body into a flare up the next day. Or make me feel like my body has been bruised and beaten the next day. Sound fun? It's not.

I had to make a decision a couple days ago about my gramma. It was my gramma's birthday (yes this is how I spell and say grandma- we all have our own way, so shut it:). Her 82nd birthday to be exact. I had to decide to go or stay home. I felt like crap. Severe body aches and fatigue. Already feeling like this, it was most likely I would miss work the following day. Not 100% guarantee I would miss work but a great chance. The decision for me at this point to go to my gramma's was simple. Why?

My reasons were 1) I missed Christmas Eve last year with her due to being sick. 2) How many more birthdays is my gramma is going to have?

Normal people do not have to make decisions like those of us living with chronic illness. Can you imagine deciding picking between your gramma's birthday (which may be her last) or work the next day? What would you pick? Maybe my ethics are different from others. Maybe I'm sick of missing out on family things due to this disease. Maybe if you had to chose you'd chose different. Looking back, I wouldn't change my decision.


Whatever the risks with the decisions we make, those of us with Behcet's sometimes take them knowing we will miss something the next day just to say we had a normal day in our lives every once in a great while.


Here's a thought for you to ponder. If you could choose one thing a day that you could do, what would it be? If you had a choice between cooking dinner or playing with your children for 30 minutes, what would it be? How about vacuuming the house or making dinner for your family? How about going to work or cooking for your family? Fishing or cleaning one thing in the house? Going to your family get together or missing work the next day? Remember you can't do both most days and whatever you do will affect how you feel tomorrow. So what would your one thing for the day be?

"The difficulty of life is in the choice." George Moore


Note: The majority of this post was written around March 18th back when I was still working, but because I've been such a procrastinator lately with my posts...well better late than never:)