The quest for a normal life...not something most people would give a second thought to. For me, I get a bug up my ass every so often to try to do something normal, to live a normal life...the life I use to have before this horrible disease took it away from me.
Last weekend it was golf. I haven't been golfing since I got sick- mainly because I can't walk the course and our golf cart wasn't working. Now the golf cart is working so Jason and I went golfing. It's a 9 course hole at our trailer. I could feel the pain after I was done with the first hole. I knew it was going to be hell the next day but the need to feel normal overwhelmed me. I was willing to suffer in order to do something normal. I know I am not alone in this. My Behcet's friends understand the need for this.
And yes, it was fun!
My wrists and elbows took it the worst. The three days following golfing felt like my wrists and elbows had been broken and put back together. Bruised on the inside and out. Even with pain meds it was terrible.
You'd think this would be enough to stop me from doing it again but it's not. Why? The answer is pretty simple. I long for these times. The days of doing normal things. Even if it's one normal thing a week. Even once a month. Either way, I'll take it. It's these normal things that stop me from going insane from sitting around day after day.
I know my life will never be normal again or there's a very slim chance of it. But then again, what is normal? Is there really such thing as normal? So I will say, I will try to have moments of what is normal to me even with this disease.
"It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place this world is when one is
playing golf. " ~Robert Lynd
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