I didn't ask to be
sick…
I didn't ask for
- to be bed-bound
many days
- to know I'm going
to die earlier than I should
- to have
complications with damn near every health situations that comes up
- to have ongoing,
ever-changing, and at times life-threatening symptoms, every day for
the rest of my life (unless by some miracle we find a cure)
- my life to be
turned upside down by a stupid, fucking disease
- the life of those
around me to turned upside down by this stupid, fucking disease
I didn't ask for
- needing to use a
wheel chair or walker the majority of times when I go out
- needing to use
handicap parking (because I never know how I will feel when I am done
or how far I'm able to walk that day)
- to use the scooter
in stores
- others to stare at
me because to them I look like a healthy 36 year old (well maybe I
look a little younger some days)
- to look like a
zombie when walking and some days actually look like one
I didn't ask for
- hip injections
because my hips get inflamed regardless of PT and other medicines I
have tried
- the need to do PT
twice a week for hips and post-concussion symptoms (which we all know
it's impossible with a chronic illness- even once a week is damn near
impossible)
- the need for
occipital injections every 3 months to keep the occipital neuralgia
at bay (or I can't turn my head and have severe headaches)
I didn't ask for
- my fingers to not
work right when I desperately need them to
- my hands to drop
items (glasses of milk are always a fun one)
- my brain to not
comprehend simple things some days
- to have to ask
others to repeat what they've told me despite their irritations in
needing to do so
- my body to reject
my ever growing list of medications I can't tolerate
- pain that is a
constant
- the ongoing
pleurisy issues (that I know will land me in the ER some day again
but for something other than to diagnose it)
I didn't ask for
- the emotional toll
it takes on myself and those close to me
- or those who my
S.O. works with (I often wonder if it's something people are more
aware of and sympathetic to, like cancer, how it would be)
- others who are
sick coming around me or my S.O., and then getting me sick (it
happens every time, in fact I can't recall a time it didn't- even
with me/my S.O. using precautions to keep it away)
I didn't ask for
- the other things
that come along with autoimmune disease
*Raynauds
* Fibro
*all the shit I'm
missing because the list is too long
I didn't ask for
- the concussion I
got on June 1,2015
- the
post-concussion symptoms I'm still dealing with and very well may
have the rest of my life
- the falls I
continue to have after the concussion
- the inability to
drive due to weakness or my post-concussion symptoms (would it be
better if I drove myself and put others and myself in danger?)
I didn't ask for
- the emergency
doctors visits in-between my regularly scheduled doctor visits
- I didn't ask for
my body to not be able to fight off infection, where a normal
person's body fights for them, not against them
- I didn't ask the
infection to set in within days, where a normal person will have
weeks or just get better
I didn't ask for
- the dental
complications
- the sinus
complications
- the GI
complications
- the skin
complications
- the eye
complications
- the neurology
complications
- all the other
complications I have missed
I didn't ask for
- the advice others
give that is generally a crock of shit despite their good intentions
(especially those who have no idea what my disease is but in the next
10 minutes or the next time I see them, they have become experts- did
you go to med school for that? I'm pretty sure everyone would be
jumping on that train instead of going to medical school for years
and years.)
- my family to not
take my illness seriously (will they when I'm in the hospital finally
from something they've caused or thought wasn't a big deal?) Krystle,
thank you for understanding why I can't be around sickness, even if
it's just a cold.
- the several
horrible doctors I saw before I found a team who actually cares and
wants to help
- the help I need
getting to and from appointments
- the help I need
for daily ADL's
I do ask for but
didn't get
- others to be
understanding but I know in reality they will never get it until they
deal with it themselves or a close loved one goes through it
I didn't ask for
life to be fair, we all know it's not.
I didn't want to say
this but others force me to…
I didn't ask to be
sick, in fact...
Nobody asks to be
sick...
To help understand the kind of mood I'm in, please see below...
